Fantasy v. Reality
In Turning the Mind Into an Ally
My friend recently fell in love with someone 30 years younger than her. She was 51 when she found herself so driven by her passions that she confessed them to the young woman she had fallen for. Touched (no doubt), and very intoxicated, the young woman responded with “I love you, too?” At this point my friend started planning the wedding.
When you sit down to meditate, there are some simple instructions to follow. The most important one is to rest your mind on your breathing. If, at any time, you forget to follow the instructions, you simply return to following them. As you begin to master it, you find that your mind is distracted quite easily! Then you start to notice that thoughts distract you from your focus. As you get better at focusing, your mind gets stronger.
It lasted for two weeks, and there was definitely no wedding. At first my friend was utterly confident that her beloved younger woman would come back and talk. And they did talk a few times. But then my friend was upset when she couldn’t bring herself to see the younger woman’s indifference towards her. All the pondering and imagining she had done about wonderful loving things to do together were all for naught.
As you meditate, you gain the ability to let go of thoughts more easily. This seems rather strange because most people hold onto their thoughts. We create our identities from them: “Doctor Reginald Smith, M.D.”; we create our world with them: “Architect-Inspired Home Design”; and we perceive others through them: “Doesn’t everyone like ice cream?” First, you let go of thoughts about life. Once your thoughts become about creating or changing things that are outside of your influence, you are at the “Fantasy” level of consciousness. Below that are emotions, discursive thoughts, subtle thoughts, and finally peaceful abiding.
“I just can’t understand why she doesn’t think about me as often as I think of her,” bemoaned my friend. “I think about her all the time!”
In my meditation practice, I looked for evidence that I had interpreted the level of consciousness that Sakyong Mipham calls “Fantasy” correctly. I watched for the landmarks he mentions, remembering to follow the instructions as well as I could. Having experienced the journey, I believe I do understand what he means: By fearlessly letting go of your fantasies, you gain greater clarity regarding your life and therefore a more powerful ability to manifest.
Fortunately, my friend seems to have moved on with the help and encouragement offered by her circle of friends.